Heeeeeeey… Yes, I’m a little behind on my recaps but c’mon on now.. you still luuuuuurv meh… Moving on..
When this past week’s episode started, I had to keep rewinding to make sure I hadn’t missed the opening credits. Game Of Thrones is one of the few shows where I don’t just skip through the opening credits and actually revel in the song.. That and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air..Now this is the story all about how my life got twisted upside down so i’d like to take a minute just sit right there and I’ll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air.. Sorry, I digress, back to what happened in the episode.
We’re introduced to a Septon who seems to be building a church or something and looks quite pleased with it to be honest. Cut to scene of various men coming in holding one log followed by a stranger who’s carrying the log all by himself. Seriously, anybody who can carry a tree log all by themselves has to be some sort of animal..
Clearly I spoke too soon. THE HOUND LIVES! Cue the opening credits!
The Septon reminds mentions how he found The Hound close to death’s door and quips that it must have been a gladiator of a man to have taken him down. #ItsBrienneBitch. He also serves to remind dear old Sandor Clegane that’s it’s never too late to become a better person and if he’s alive.. It’s for a reason…
Back in King’s Landing, we find the now repentant Queen Margery with her new bestie The High Sparrow who not only asks that Margery bring her hilarious Grandmother Lady Olenna into the light but he also reminds her to continue t o fulfill her wifely duties and get a baby in hey belly. For a High Sparrow, he is really is concerned with the going ons of Margery‘s nether regions. Margery listens to him and talks to the Queen of Thorns who clearly is not going down without a fight. Sensing that, Margery asks that she pack up and leave. Wow. Talk about family loyalty. Lady Olenna is shocked. Too shocked to even notice the note that her granddaughter discreetly places into her hand. Once out of view, she opens it..
I guess all hope isn’t lost. All Hail The Sneaky B!tch.
Tormund is doing his best to convince the Wildlings that they owe everything to Jon Snow and they now have to march against House Bolton. Clearly it’s a hard decision to make and it was pretty much made for them. Amidst the discussion, Wun Wun stood up and simply said one word. Snow. Good luck arguing your way out of that. However, Wun Wun might want to watch out.. you know.. being a giant and only being able to say one word doesn’t always work out so well (Hodor).
Back in King’s Landing, Cercei realises that Lady Olenna is packing up and leaving. Wait, what? What about Margery? What about Loras? Hell let’s be honest. She’s only worried about herself and Lady Olenna knows it and that is why she can’t wait to see the woman suffer as she was the idiot that gave the High Sparrow power in the first place. Do these two know they’re related?
Over in the Riverlands, it’s Cersei‘s lover boy Jamie and his bestie Bronn. Yay. I love these two together. They’ve reached Riverrun where they find the Freys failing miserably at getting the Blackfish to relinquish the castle, regardless of the fact that they’re holding his nephew hostage. Jamie announces that he’s taking over and they question his authority.. Probably shouldn’t have done that..
That’s solid gold in that hand…
In The North, we find Sansa, Jon and Ser Davos on their recruitment plan. It’s failing. Badly. Firstly, they try their best so convince Lady Leanna Mormont how they desperately need her and the sassy girl ain’t buying what the bastard or Lady Sansa Stark-Lannister-Bolton is selling. Awks. It takes Ser Davos to convince her that the real war is coming and the other side isn’t afraid of dying.. considering they’re already dead. The Lady realises he speaks the truth and blesses them with her man.. All 62 of them. Greaaaat.
Back at Riverrun. we find Kinglsayer trying to reason with the Blackfish and he is not budging. At all. The wars not over until he gets his vengeance so rest in peace to Edmurd Tully I guess. Also, he’s kinda disappointed in Jamie Lannister‘s persona. You mean the one-handed, Cersei love-sick puppy isn’t doing it for you? I’m waiting for Brienne to show up so he can finally grow some balls.
Back in the North, we find the three at House Glover where they keep trying to get men into their army. The Head of House Glover ain’t interested because (i) The Boltons raided their castle and King Robb was nowhere to be seen because he was screwing some foreign whore(that’s nice) and (ii) He ain’t fighting with no wildlings so #byefelicia. Jon is despondent but Sansa begs that they ask every house that they can which he disagrees to. Fine. I’ll do it myself which she does. She ends up writing a letter to Littlefinger, sealing it with the House Stark sigil. I really hope Ramsay doesn’t shoot down the raven or feed it to Ricken…
We find the last of Balon Greyjoy‘s children in a brothel. Clearly Theon/Reek is a little uncomfortable cause he basically has an itch he can never ever scratch. Like ever. The two decide to beat Euron Greyjoy at his game and beat him to Daenerys(who is absent in this episode BTW) and not use her to get Westeros but at least get their home back. Ncaaw.
Back in.. wherever the heck they are.. The Septon somewhat preaches to his group about the in and outs of life before three men from the Brotherhood without Banners approach them. They ask them about their provisions and they leave without a fight. The Hound isn’t buying it and warns the Septon who tells him that if a fight happen, he’s not exactly gonna go down swinging. He’s in the perfect show.
Hey look.. it’s Arya getting stabbed by an old lady. Wait, what?! Okay..rewiiiind.
Bravos. Arya is making rain with bags of coins I hadn’t realised she had. Clearly pick-pocketing is one of her many, many talents. she throws bags of silver to a merchant and tells him she’ll be on his ship, in a cabin and they sail at noon. Aight. She stops to admire the statue of Bravos before an old woman approaches her smiling. Kinda like Snow White but instead of a poisoned apple, she gets a knife to the gut. Not sure which is worse. Turns out it’s The Waif in disguise and if you pay close attention, the face she was wearing is the face Arya once saw on the wall of faces. Great. Arya manages to escape and jumps into the waters and she comes out spluttering and bleeding and walking through the streets of Braavos cause nobody helps a bleeding little girl. My guess is Lady Crane will find her and stitch her up. Hopefully but: IF ARYA DIES, WE RIOT!!
Back in the middle of nowhere while he’s chopping down trees,The Hound hears cries from the village and rushes back. He finds slaughtered bodies and the Septon hanging from the church. Now what? He grabs an axe and clearly the broken man is broken no more.