Happy.

Smile graces my face every day.

Tears long dried.

Scars on my arms long faded.

Nights fought trying to keep my eyes shut.

Images of what should have been and what wasn’t kept me up.

Emptiness in my chest slowly filled with His word.

 

Those are the lies I tell myself every night.

 

I plaster on the smile with the aid of my Mac.

I dab at the tears before they hit the ground.

Scratching where the scars once lay bare.

Nights being the loneliest but the safest place I know.

 

This blackness has known me since I became what I will

always be and saw what I will never be because I can never be

what is not me.

The light that shines in my eyes is nothing but a reflection of

the failing spirit burning away in my soul.

I am the front page of a magazine, smile ready whenever eyes

land on me.

I am the girl everyone wishes to be except for me.

 

My skin glistens in the sun, but inside I am yearning to be

free of this wretched armour.

I am dragged to the ground by the crushing weight of my

dead heart and yet you all see my skip through the halls.

Save me.

Please.

End my misery and put me out of this one-woman play I

call my happiness.

 

The darkness clings to me like a newborn baby.

No matter how many times I lullaby myself to sleep, I

cannot escape the reality of what is.

I am nothing without this pain because I am pain.

 

I am hurt.

I am sick.

I am angry.

I am sad.

You all see me for what I can never be and that is happy.

 

 

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