If the title of this week’s episode is anything to go by, losing your identity isn’t exactly the easiest thing to do..

The episode opens with Lady Crane personifying the psychopath that is Cersei Lannister and her performance is met with cheers. Walking backstage lo and behold who does she find.. Arya Stark bleeding to death(Called It!). Lady Crane quickly stitches her up, a talent she learned from falling in love with the worst men and Arya seems pretty confident in her decision to not kill the actress and after a sip of some poppy, she’s out like a light.

Back in wherever, the bastards that cut down the Hound’s new friends are having a bit of a laugh before The Hound shows up and slices and dices them but not before having a bit of ad lib,

Hound: Where’s the other one?

Killer: Fuck You

Hound: Those are your last words? ‘Fuck you’? Come on, you can do better.

Killer:..CUNT..

Hound: You’re shit at dying, you know that?

 

Oh how I missed this man.

Back in Meereen,  Tyrion Lannister‘s deal with the slave masters seems to be working out well; The Red Priestesses are preaching the gospel of Danerys Tagaryan thus seeing that everything is in order Varys is off on a secret mission.. Wonder what he’s up to..

Only a Game Of Thrones fan will be excited over someone choosing violence. You know that expression don’t make a mountain out of a molehill? Ensure you don’t do that or else you might get your face ripped off.. literally. The faith militant, lead by Cersei‘s former lover Lancel attempted to arrest Cersei and well.. It wasn’t pretty.. That guy’s spine was ripped out people.

Over in the Riverlands, the reunion I’ve been waiting for. BRIEMIE!!!!! Jamie and Brienne..Duh.. Hey, it could happen. Lord, please let it happen..

jamie and brienne

Even Bronn thinks so. He quips to Podrick Payne that they’d probably do the nasty if given the chance. And let’s be honest, the way Jamie is around Brienne is a far contrast in the way he is around his psycho twin. However, the two are still on opposite sides with Brienne needing The Blackfish and his army whereas Jamie needs The Blackfish and his castle. Awks. Sadly, Brienne is unable to convince Brynden Tully to leave the castle and basically has to prepare herself to fight Jamie.. oh boy.

 

Back in King’s Landing, Cersei and her mountain friend get a rude awakening. King Tommen offcially declares that trial by combat is outlawed in the Seven Kingdoms, and Cersei and Loras (oh right, cana he’s still around) will be tried by a council of septons i.e The people kissing the High Sparrow‘s arse. Oh boy. The only thing that seems to brighten her day is Dr. Frankenstein aka Qyburn confirming a rumour she heard.. The next shot is of Tyrion Lannister in Meeren.. Oh boy..

Clearly bored out of his mind, Tyrion manages to get Missenndei and Grey Worm to indulge in wine and jokes..GREY WORM MADE A JOKE! The festivities are quickly interrupted though cause the creators of Game of Thrones don’t know what happiness is.. Turns out you should never make a deal with the devil..The slave masters of Astapor and Yunkai have come with ships and are here to take back their slave. Again.. oh boy..

Jamie Lannister is confused about his life. He shows such compassion to Brienne.. or maybe it’s because she doesn’t stand in the way of him and Cersei.. well not yet at least.. Jamie loves Cersei so much to the point where he tells Lord Edmure that if he doesn’t get the Blackfish to open the castle gates, he’s gonna to catapult Edmure‘s babies into the wall. This is the same man that pushed Bran off a tower  so I don’t think he’s bluffing. Neither did Edmure which is why once he got back into his castle, he let the Frey and Lannister armies take it over.. Which leads to the death of his uncle..Nice one dumb ass.. Still, can’t deny the affection Jamie has for Brienne which is why he lets her escape with Pod.. Oh Boy.

Hey look, the slavers came with catapults and they’re flinging fire into the streets of Meereen.. Well done Tyrion, well done. although he readily admits that he was wrong that doesn’t exactly help. Luckily when all hope seems lost, mama’s back and she brought Drogo. Good to have you back Khaleesi. Why do I get the feeling Tyrion is F-I-R-E-D? See what i did there? Fired cause fire and dragons.. shut up, I’m hilarious..

fired

Over in whereever, we find the other resident comedian The Hound who finds the last of the men who massacred his new friends and lo and behold, they’re about to be hanged by the Hound’s other buddies; the Brotherhood Without Banners and the only ‘zombie’ with them is Beric Dondarrion and no Lady StoneHeart. After a little hanging, both Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr manage to convince The Hound to join them claiming that there’s going to be a much bigger fight with a much different enemy(Winter Is Coming). Yay, The Hound gonna slice some white walkers.. whoop whoop!

Oh Lady Crane, haven’t you heard? No good deed goes unpunished in this show. The Waif quickly rids the show of her in a death involving a chair.. It looked really Final Destination. Arya, although severely wounded after a knife to the gut, manages to escape by leaping from buildings like she’s Jackie Chan.. ah, such lies. She then lures The Waif to a secret chamber where she then blows out the candle. I guess the whole fighting blind thing was more of a lesson than a punishment..

 

arya again

Jaqen H’ager finds The Waif’s face on the wall of faces and is actually quite impressed telling Arya that she has now officially become ‘no one’. Well she ain’t buying that, considering he sent his lackey to off her and she simply says what is arguably the best line of the season; “A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell and I’m going home.”.. Yaas  gurrl!

 

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