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No more tags, no more group-selfies and no more instant likes on your Instagram feed. The squad has officially disbanded and now you’re both playing on different teams. So does this mean you need always be prepared for war in case you bump into her? No, there’s no need to sharpen your claws. Let this guide not only show you how to be friendly without actually being friends but also how not to rush into any sororities simply because you’re lonely.
Admire the scars but don’t open up old wounds. Dr. Will Meek says that in every relationship, communication is key. However, just because this relationship has ended doesn’t mean that the two of you still can’t learn something from the experience. In sitting down with your former bestie and discussing what exactly went wrong, what you end up learning will be beneficial for the both of you in relation to your other squad-goals. Try not to play the blame game because at this point, it’s a game neither of you are going to win.
Forgive but don’t forget them. It’s easy to just block her out of your life, claiming you wish her the best when you really don’t mean it. Forgiveness, as cheesy as it sounds, really is the best way forward. In forgiving her, there’s no chance of the two of you getting into a Kylie Jenner-Amber Rose twar every time you log into your account. Secondly, in forgiving her you also find yourself having a more positive attitude and your smile when you see her will be genuine as opposed to awkwardly stuck on your face.
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Don’t fake it to make it. The pair of you aren’t friends anymore. Everybody knows it. The two of you know it. Don’t make it awkward by trying to be overly-friendly or doing your best by liking every single post that she makes. Also, try to keep the number of ThrowbackThursday posts to a minimum. There’s a difference between reliving the good ol’ days and just rehashing old wounds.
Don’t entertain her dramatics. Some girls live for the theatre and it’s likely that your former friend is no different. She’s most likely to either play the victim, tissue at hand, ready to dab at her tears or assume the role of a dictator or try to turn everyone against you. Try not to let it get to you. At the end of the day, she’s hurting and this is the only way she knows how to heal. You, on the other hand, are going to heal in a less toxic way. Be the adult in the situation and try not to lie with the dogs or you’ll wake up with fleas.
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Be your own BFF. Dr Schomer believes that the most important thing in friendships is the ability to keep confidence. Essentially the reason why your FBFF(former best-friend forever) was number one on your speed dial was because she was always ready to listen to you ramble on about your insecurities and vent about why the guy hasn’t called you back when he promised he would. Now with her completely deleted from your contact-list, you find yourself feeling almost naked. That’s okay. Try to use this opportunity as a learning experience for future relationships but more so as a growing experience for yourself. Take up yoga, pray more or find a new hobby. Find something you can enjoy doing alone and become a squad of one.
Friendships are part of life and some slowly die out like last season’s shoes. However, that doesn’t mean that the end of a friendship need leave bitterness in your mouth where there was once joy and happiness. Look back on the memories with a fond cheerfulness, being glad it happened but not sorry it’s over.
Will Meek PhD. 2016. Communication Skills – Will Meek PhD, viewed 30 September 2016, http://www.willmeekphd.com/communication-skills/.
702. 2016. Understanding the psychology of friendship, viewed 30 September 2016, http://www.702.co.za/articles/15308/understanding-the-psychology-of-friendship.