Tonight is the final episode of Game of Thrones and I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do with myself for the next year.. Oh well.. Let’s recap
You don’t need to be a genius to figure out that from the title of the episode, the two most famous bastard in Westeros are about to have on heck of a battle..
The episode starts off in Meereen where Daenerys Tagaryan isn’t exactly pleased with Tyrion Lannister‘s latest efforts. Now she wasn’t expecting streets flowing with gold but she also wasn’t hoping for the tearing down of her city by former slave masters either. Tyrion defends his actions but all Daenerys wants to do is burn the traitorous bastards, along with their cities, to the ground. Tyrion then quickly points out that it looks like the apple hasn’t fallen far from the Tagaryan tree. She realises he’s right but a queen deserves her vengeance. She, along with Tyrion, Messeindei and Grey Worm meet up with the slave masters who then begin discussing the terms of Daenery’s surrender. she scoofs and quickly informs them that “My reign has just begun” just before Drogon flies down and waits for mummy dearest to climb aboard and together they soar off into the sky being flagged by Rhaegal and Viserion. The three quickly burn the down the slavers ships and if that’s not enough, an entire Dothraki army charges in and slaughters the Sons of the Harpy. Even Grey Worm gets in on the action, killing two slave masters and allowing one to live and spread the word of The Mother of Dragons.
Now back to the title of the episode. Ramsay Bolton and his friends ride to negotiate with Jon Snow and Sansa Stark who are acoompanied by Tormund Giantsbane, Ser Davos and Lady Leanna. Ramsay calls for their surrender and says he shall be merciful and how there is no need for bloodshed. Jon agrees(on the bloodshed part, not the merciful part cause c’mon) and offers to fight Ramsay one-on-one. Ramsay laughs it off before throwing the head of Shaggydog at their feet. Nice. Sansa, clearly unrattled inform the psychopathic bastard that he;s going to die tomorrow and then smoothly rides off. You go girl!
Jon Snow, Tormund and Davos discuss battle-plans all while Sansa watches quietly. Once the other two men leave, she warns Jon about Ramsay and how he sets traps and doesn’t fall into them. She also, sadly, tells her brother to basically start mourning Rickon because Ramsay won’t let him live either way. Furthermore, she tells Jon that she’s not going back to Ramsay alive. Who would? Jon, being the big brother promises to protect her to which she responds; “No one can protect me”
Tormund and Davos walk through the camp where they both realise that the last battle they faced was against each other and they were serving very different Kings. They then quip that Jon Snow is no King. touche. Tormund then goes to get wasted and Davos continues on his walk. It’s a sweet scene.
Jon walks into gogo Melisandre quarters and asks for one thing; that she not bring him back if he dies. Wait, what? She says the only person she takes orders from is the Lord of Light, and that she might have to bring him back if The Lord asks. Oh Thank God!.
Meanwhile,we find Davos out on his walk when he comes across a scene of a burning. There, he finds a black stag toy that belonged to Shireen Baratheon. Uh-Oh.
Back in Meereen and look who’s joined us. Nobody than Yara and Theon Greyjoy who stand before Daenerys and Tyrion. There’s some flirtatious banter between Daenerys and Yara. It could happen. After all, Daenerys is bisexual in the books.There’s more ships coming with Euron Greyjoy so why shouldn’t Daenerys wait for him? Oh right, she has to take his big c*ck as well. Danerys promises to listen to the Greyjoy children just as long as Yara, leader of the Iron Islands, agrees to not only back Daenerys‘ claim but to also give up the Ironborn way of acting like glorified pirates. Yes ladies! Sister’s doing it for themselves!
Back to the battlefield. Ramsay Bolton rides to the front of the lines, leading Rickon by a rope. He cuts the ropes and tells Rickon to run across the battlefield to his brother Jon. As Rickon starts running, Ramsay fires arrows at him. RUN IN ZIG-ZAGS YOU IDIOT! Jon quickly mounts his horse and rides out to save Rickon. Just as Jon is about to reach him, an arrow goes through Rickon and Jon watches him die.
Talk about laying traps huh. Jon charges forward while being showered by Bolton arrows.
sidenote: Are the Starks ninjas? You’ve got Arya leaping from buildings like she’s Jackie Chan and Jon Snow dodging arrows like he’s Jet Li
Snow’s forces follow him and the battle is on! Jon falls of his horse and draws Longclaw and the Bolton forces charge towards him. Just as he’s about to be trampled, his army slams into the Bolton army. Ramsay orders his archers to fire not really caring if hius soldiers are hit by arrows while Davos is more considerate and prefers not to.
It’s going down neh.People are dying and there’s mud. blood and intestines everywhere! Ramsay sends in a a body of troops moving in close formation surrounds Jon’s forces.They move forward their shields and spears which increases the body count.
Snow’s people begin to push back and rush the mountain of bodies. Jon trips and is basically almost buried alive until he manages to rise to the top of the sea of bodies. All hope seems lost until.. does anyone else hear that horn? Everyone looks to the source abnd vo it’s Littlefinger and the Knights of the Vale.
The Vale troops march down and Ramsay runs away like the corward he is. Jon, Tormund and Wun Wun chase after him back to Winterfell. Wun Wun breaks down the doors and slowly succumbs to his wounds. And then Ramsay fires an arrow into his eye. Nice.
Jon dodges Ramsay’s arrows and proceeds to his face in over and over again. Okay, it’s enough. you can stop now. Jon! He eventually does when he realises it’s not his life to take, it’s Sansa’s.
The Stark banners fly at Winterfell like she said it would and Rickon is to be buried in the crypt next to daddy Ned. Sansa confronts her hubby who is bleeding and tied to a chair in the kennel where he keeps his hounds. He tells her that he shall be a part of her forever(if she’s pregnant get her some moontea ASAP!)S he shrugs it off and says that everything about him will disappear.His hounds(which he hasn’t fed for seven days) creep towards him after which they tear him to shreds. Sansa watches before walking away with a small smile on her face. Yes gurl.
UNORTHODOX JUNKIE 